31.10.07
i have something to share with you today.
Love isnt about mao mao
Rather, its about the apple.
When jianrui was younger. he thought people didnt care about him
and
wth
it is so cool!
i thought there was no one i can turn to
there is.
he will find a way
run the race
keep the faith
the path we'll walk
keep the faith.
keep it
we can do it
jian rui puked at 1:07 AM
10.2.07
i looked through my post lah
wth
it looks so fake
but for once.. i spoke what i really felt like saying
somethings, for once, i spoke with no restrictions lah
anw
i've reverted to my old ways MAN
I CANNOT ...
i SO CANNOT TAHAN how i've written my other two POSTS
WTH
its so pretentious ..
in a way lah
ok.
i dont want to be .. ONE INAMILLION
OK!
SO >> be PREPARED FOR MORE..
WTH WTH WTH
shit..
pIG
watermelonS!
ok!??
?
ok!?
ok!
yah
we had compass lessons lah
its.. like your Civis lesson
YAH
so they've got a compass to HELp direct YOu
then ms koh was.. like
so gay..
she didnt teach phy..
because NO ONE HAD TO MOOD TO LISTEN
even ALVIN
PLS LOR
he's the SCIENCE club ENTHUSIASt
they played this song lah..
you know that. . PANTENE pro V! advert
yah
they've got the
''FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN DAD DADADADADADA''
tho we felt the rain..
we also FREAKED OUT LAh
wth
they were supposed to cover.. on ..
HOW WE FElt
i was like..
shit..
then when she handed out a piece of paper..
i was.. OK .. no one will see it
but.. they still got to see
haha
zhuan mings was.. a dot..
AIM. and dont DEVIATE
yah..
agree..
then.
we had trg.
haha.. i told myself to push hard.
and not only push hard alone..
but as a team
we did ..
and. HAHA I SLEPT WELL
OK! ENOUGH ..
OK LAH I DID QUITE WELL ..
im happy !
haha
really really DAMNM HAPPY.
but.. but i saw. my friends.. crying..
screwing up..
i felt bad..
may be i shouldnt cheer just yet..
but im so thankful for them. nine points.
jian rui puked at 7:39 PM
28.1.07
if saying what i've said to you was that easy
i wont be writing this.
ok .
nvm
so what if you knew why?
so what? i respect you by not asking you this.
but have you respected me?
do you know how i felt.
oh?
just say
woops sorry..
and thats it
its ok.. its fine.. but im not fine.
anw,it would be ages the next time you talk to me.
you wouldnt have to mood to..
you dont feel like.
i know it.
its like that..
i chose to say it..
jian rui puked at 9:15 PM
21.1.07
I was a chirstian since P4. that's been a long time since.
i rmb i was in pri sch then, st hildas primary. haha.. had a lot of fun,
and when iwas younger , the teachers would share with us about the bible,
may be it triggered off an interest in me to read the bible
Also, i remember once i hid in my brother's room, taking advantage of the secrecy to read the childrens' bible
i chanced upon.
haha
today at church i was with levin, when i again, chance upon this children's bible. Evoking mems about times when i had to hid, to read the bible.
nv had i had the chance to read it openly.
recently. i've been going to Changi and i believe two weeks ago i lied to my mum
saying i was gg to the pasir ris library to study.
i lied. i dont know but it felt good. i dont know why my mum didnt want me to go to church till recently.
i lied.
GOD knows.
too bad.. my mum, of all people, came to know about it too..
this wasnt the first time...
ever since i've been going to wilike, which is bviously too far away, she's been suspicious till i was coerced to admit to it
she says: Christians are selfish, selfish in nature.
and obviously i begged to differ but i chose to ask why before i shown my ugly side.
yah... she was right, my cousin, also christians, were not setting a good example.
However, xiao gu's family was doing well, her husband was not only a fervent church goer but also a pastor?!
or.. rather an elder. Look at what they've ( xiao ming and his brother) become of?
i m not doing anything wrong. or am i?
going to church helps me learn. see. touch and feel.
feel as tho GOD is there. not only there. as i've come to believe
because of the good example the people at changi choose to potray.
and i chose to believe and be one of them.
going to church with the right mind can only do you good.
you need to put down everything else
and with the heart of learning, enter the house of GOD.
i first entered changi last year.
as the frequency of going to wilkie was undermined by not only the distance, but also because i felt out of place
really. may be because its big
OK it is
but as compared to the mega ones.. which i would be obviously minatured, scaled down to a pint size ant.
that very day i first went to changi, alone ( THX TO SOME ONE FROM WILKIE WHO POINTEd THAT OUT TO ME WHEN WE WERE GOING TO FRANKEL FOR YF? OR JC reunion) it was small..
and like camp mama pointed out.
which i also jubilantly agreeded to, a small church but a big family. of which im now part of.
i dont know lah
if i did go.
i would have missed out in a lot
would i be crying when i heard about uncle bernard and his family and what they were going through,
giving mini tuitions to jeryl and some of the younger ones,
talking to ppl i wouldn't come to know at all.
Laughing at silly things we do.
As a church we grow.
As jian rui i've grown too.
see? im not that naive anymore.
i chose to love because GOD has given me the capacity to.
relationship?
i thought i loved Amanda when i first came to know her..
i realised it was like liking CHay teng, only now i could get to kiss her.
ok. not now any more.
i love amanda? no.. it's her face i fell in love with.
xiao wei, on the other hand, and also swan yee, was like wise too..
i dont want to fall in to this again.
i dont mind.but i know i dont know them at all.
we werent out for more than 4 times and we were already kissing.
somethings shouldnt change with time.
understnading our other halves
ho ho.. now i dont know wether i truely like Yilin
do i?
iwe can go out and .. ya.. by, not the forth time since we've known each other for .. VERY LONG as compared to how long i've know then others and start that cycle of infatuation..
but.. do we still do it afterall since.. we will not have the chance again. or,love as a result of understanding. knowning for yilin for a long time, i dont know .. thought i could compromise with her ways.. but i can't. God has an answer for me..
that is to wait
can i?
enrol in to jc this year and graduate next year.. how.. fast..ahha
the other day i went to chit chat with grace... haha.. i was very skeptical before hand.. thiking.. huh? why what happened..
she wanted to speak to me alone.
we talked a lot.
3-4 hours..
we've agreeed and .. also come to agreee on many things
haha im spelling agree with three es
haha
usually we see looks before the heart
and afteral i dont see the heart at all
i see face.. ONLY
haha
sad ..
bye!
jian rui puked at 11:16 PM
7.1.07
haha.. well .. Jian Rui's back!and yes i had my orientation
IT WAS MADreally mad
ilove it.
anw im in meridian junior college
ya.. some thought the school was sucky,some even sniggered at the name.
so before i set foot in the sch.. i told myself
to work damn hard
DAMN HARD
to take h3 phy and math
YAH!
my orientation group was like damn gay can?
hahaha
yah
OK THEY WERE FUN PPL.
LIKE ME!
we acted like retards.
yah.. so we had this murder solving CSI
MARATHON in the east..
haha
YAH
you must have saw some idiots running around..
with their shirts saying VINCITORE
and the last day we had wet and wild
wth
its so waterlmelony.
haha
YES!!!
shall talk about the wet and wild
wth
we had to move as a GROUP
yah. .and accomplish tasks
YAH
WTH
DAMN GAY
really damn gay
imagine you had to fill up this bottle of water FROM one level up
SOAP SOMEONE"S hair
with . soap. aahaha
yah
WTH
play captain ball with water bombs.
'battle sheep'
yah .. we did have A LOT A LOT OFFUn
and yes
my group was .. united.. at least.
WE made the tee shirt
sprayed on the silver paint on shirts we bought from four
different outlets
WTH
FOUR !
haha
FOUR YA FOUR
ok.. and . we made the template jUST THAT DAY CAN!?
wht
yah.. as before the campfire ..
we we FEELING LIKE SHIT
yah..
so before we moved off to the parade sqare we had to do cheers..we WERE LIKE
DMAN DEAD LAH
wth
damn sad
then .. we stayedi nthe hall..
cuz we were last to move off
everyone was damn sad..
then wadi was like
HEY CUMMONE
we can do it
CAN we?!
so we learnt a cheer! there.
haha then the gay councillor was like EH HURRY CAN!?
NO MORE CHEER!!
ahah
ya we were like the loser house.
so we went down.
YAH .. wth
I THOUGHT OUR PERFORMANCE WAS DAMN CUTE>
ahha
yah WTH WE WON!!!
did you see their faces?! wthHAHaha
SO GAY.
WE GOT SECOND OVERALL.
yah
united?
haha nope..
during the MMM
we had some running ahead..
some lagging behind
why?
some couldnt wait
SOME counldt keep up..
but.. all in all.
we stuck together like UHU GLUE STUCKED BETWEEN US>
that night.. we had supper damn late can?
LIKE 11 plus
yah
so we were liek
EH GO TO TM!
NO ONE WILL GO THERe
since everyone will congregate ath white sands
.. wTH
so went to pasir ris central.
GUESS WHAT
i saw camp papa and camp mama
..
i had this feeling .. yah
LIKE I WOULD MEET SOME MORE FROM CHURCH THERE
haha
they were to gether iwth emily and kumar and their domestic helper..
GOD BLESS them ..
everytime i see the elders going to church.. i feel more encouraged to go..
i saw this elderly lady taking a cab to changi
.. and i see them every week..
so what if my parents dis apporves.. NOT LIKE Im doing to the mega churhces.
i know GOD LOVES MY family.. and i will bring them in some day
STUDY HARD OK!?
jian rui puked at 6:40 PM
23.11.06
swanyee.. i love u .
jian rui puked at 8:46 PM
8.10.06
there are basically two types of people in this world.
see under which category, do you happen to fall in to.
i want a house; i want a big house.
even if i had one, i wouldnt share it with anyone.
why should i share.
not like they'll give something back to me.
siao.
SHARE NOTES
wth
these notes are mine
oMG
SHAre
its lIKE TAKING MY *** OFF.
oh wth.
ive got two dollars in my wallet.
my friend has five of those.
both of us gives one note each..
who is more giving... doesnt matter.
its the WHY GIVE that matters.
do you give because," hey the money is going to go somewhere else
which it'll do good"
is it important you live life too the fullest ( WTH I TYPED FOOLEST just now)
at the expense of everyone.
or wait
ccan we live life to the fullest, without the expense of others.
its how you deem it to be
.
is a packet of vegetable rice equivilent to Lasangea
well people can say OH PLS
ITS FOOD LA
WHAT GOES IN
WILL COME OUT AS SHI*
who the hell cares but
can he who says that resist the earthly pleasures?
do you live life, because you only have got THIS much time on the earth?
ok.
so i lie, work my way up
get the BEST PAYING JOb
holiday at the carribean.
all for what?
CUZ ITS THE ONLY LIFE I LIVE>
not now then never.
right?
i was never rich.
( that puts me in no right to say anything la)
but wait
isnt riches or monetary abundance yet another gauge that is derived from humans.
wether you are rich or poor
is what and how PEOPLE look at you
are you rich spiritually
can yo ugive as much as the poor gives?
any way
he gives hie heart,
can you?
jian rui puked at 6:51 PM
I am itching to write again.
Althought I can't help but scratch, I'll try to ease to alleviate the PAIN; I shall write.
It has been hard, just so hard to accept the fact. Who can? Everyone faces problems, but anecdotes presents the shadowed version. They just sound so nice but, how much they can do for you?
What, I feel, is more important is how you look at it. How you look at things presented to you. All of which is in your control. You control how you feel, you control how you would react to pressing situations. Also, it seems as thought what lies behind the truth, is the misery one wishes not to verbalise, but to express in his or her own special way.
Heres my story:
I never had a room of my own. For some, its taken for granted. To some, it's got a sense of belonging; you belong to it, not otherwise. To others, being in one makes them think about the other one tomorrow. I would have a chandelier, retro coffe table, a view that overlooks the horizon...... wait
ok i lied. i have a room
However, as much as i wanted, didnt sense it.
the sense of belong it wasnt there.
I wasnt a problem child, i wasnt weird but all the alienation made me feel as though i was several notches below in terms of acadamic standards.
i knew they hated me and it never felt like home.
it tend towards hell more than to heaven. everyday i was sick and tired of it.
it had to stop
what is it?
it has all started, because of me.
my existence was indispensibly irritating. well contridictory it may be, but they couldnt kick me out of school as they were students too. No wait, students clouded with the mist of superiority. Seriously, they speak like that, walk like that and if they happen to chance their eyes upon you, jubilation should flood your minds.
GEPs as they've called themselves more than what people label them.
however, not all are like them.
here, i have, my brother.
thats him.
so if ones GEP
the other two?
well they stayed on at Saint hildas, graduated, seeked new lives in new schools.
i shall talk about mine then.
OK WAIT> how would i know about his.
Jian Rui was a simple child, ambitious, but simple minded. Eating cup noodles brings satisfaction. He scrimps and saves so as not to waste money on things his friends would have chucked aside after fiddling with. All the more, he knew he couldnt afford it.
Amid the preparation for his School Leaving Examination, he chanced upon this school: Maris Stella High School.....
... it was the second day of school. " .. a storm is imminent, with the East partly cloudy...." the radio was finally tunned on to the radio forecast. His father, on the other hand, was multi-tasking - controlling the wipers and the steering wheel trying to propagate the car in the right direction in the seemingly never ending rain. " Pa, why is it that all the bad things happen to me?" asked Jian Rui.
"Huh? Say again, I can't hear you," his father, who was apparently focused on driving, replied.
Jian Rui remained slient. He did not know what to say. Everyone else in the car did not too. Losing his grandfather was the last thing he wanted......
......Jin ying ji jing! Qin mian zhong yong, xiao xun shi~ xin. That puts a remarkable full-stop to my journey in the school. I have shed tears, carried boats though underpowered, stiched broken hearts, lent listening ears. More importantly, I have chanced upon friends, that have changed me. Amid the changes, there are things that havent changed, that is, my strong feeling for the places I have been to, the people I have met.
it would bring me to tears, just by looking at the school podium.
and if i continue to type like that.
it will not only cost me a lot of my time
but also, at the expense of my penchant for SLEEP. bye T!
jian rui puked at 12:23 AM
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